“We’ve had a disagreement.”
It’s a phrase which might send chills down your spine: conjuring visions of family holidays gone wrong, or business partnerships cleft in two, never to be repaired.
But it doesn’t have to be like that.
In fact, to be successful in business, disagreement is not merely unavoidable – it’s essential.
It’s a key part of gathering different views and planning a watertight strategy, even if you’re a sole trader or one of just a few senior leaders.
Now that doesn’t mean it’s always easy, but learning to be better at disagreeing might just make the path ahead clearer too. Here’s why.
The Art of Disagreement
Fundamentally, a disagreement is a difference of opinion, and for any successful enterprise having a diversity of thought is key to getting better ideas and testing them rigorously.
For too long we’ve thought only of the risky type of disagreements – the type that breaks relationships and generates fanatical tribes.
It’s precisely this fear that can keep business leaders from engaging. They hold their cards close to their chest and hide their decisions from others, terrified that by letting different opinions in they’ll either appear weak or sow the seeds of division.
In many traditional hierarchical management structures disagreement is kept to a minimum, with employees instead encouraged to ‘fall in line’ or ‘pull in the same direction’. But that risks us losing the real value of varied opinions and rigorous testing of an idea.
Dr Michael Spence, President and Provost at UCL, has written about the importance of learning to disagree well, and whilst he’s mainly talking about protecting our democracy, much of what he says applies in business too.
Perhaps surprisingly, he argues a compelling case for the importance of emotions in disagreements, as long as these are coupled with an underlying belief that you could be wrong or that your view might at least be incomplete.
When you work with a small team, or even with loved ones, disagreeing well can have big implications on your work – and your life.
Disagreeing With Others
When you’re working alongside others, Dr Spence lists a few other requirements for disagreeing well:
- A willingness to listen carefully and to be open to other opinions – and to genuinely listen, allowing the conversation to go wherever it needs to rather than arriving with a preconceived list of discussion points
- To recognise ‘the expertise, experience or responsibility of the other party within a disagreement’ – or as I’d call it, to respect the other person
- To identify specific issues on which you differ, in a search for common ground
- To communicate clearly, and in a way that aims to increase your shared understanding, without resorting to hyperbole or trying to ‘win’
Whether you work with colleagues or business partners, learning to have challenging conversations is a bit of a superpower. If you can do it, you’ll access a wealth of better, more developed ideas, and be able to build your plans on stronger foundations.
That’s not to say that every single decision should be wrestled over tortuously for hours. But when it comes to the big choices that guide the direction of your business and your sense of fulfilment, isn’t it worth taking on board a few different ideas?
Disagreeing With Yourself
If you run your own business, chances are that most of your key decision making takes place, well, in your own head.
But that doesn’t mean disagreement doesn’t have a place. Being open to different possibilities remains important, and crucially it makes a big difference to allow yourself that time to consider and weigh up different options. That way you can avoid being too fixed in your thinking, and retain the ability to pivot and learn as you discover more things.
Early in the life of a business this is even more crucial, as many of your ideas about what will work and what won’t are likely to be turned on their head.
It’s hard to do, but by asking yourself the right questions, asking ‘why’, holding yourself accountable to the answers and revisiting things on a regular basis can make all the difference. You might also consider using simple lists to weigh up different options, so that you can ‘make the case’ for each side in a thought-out manner.
That said, truly disagreeing with yourself – and making better decisions as a result – is incredibly difficult. Whilst you might manage it from time to time, few business owners find the space to consistently and effectively have that kind of internal dialogue. Which is why the most successful turn to a business coach, with whom they can have a robust discussion and stay accountable to their goals.
Ready to talk?
If you want support learning how to have challenging conversations in a productive way, or would value having a critical friend with whom to reflect on your business goals, let’s connect.
I’m always open to an initial conversation, and if we’re not the right fit I’m always happy to help recommend someone who might be.
Kind Regards,
Chris